Self realization…

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I have tried to be a good person all my life… this does not mean I am not bad. I have a bad part too… but that I will disclose some other day. I hated people who would smoke. I was too young to understand what fun people get by drinking a pale brown fluid, glass after glass. That was liquor of course…

… being born to an Army officer, these things were around me since the time I actually realized their ill effects, though my dad was a teetotaler.. and he still is.

..Dad’s postings took us to placed across India. Travel was an integral part of my life, and each new place offering its distinct food platter to me. Slowly and slowly, I became a real connoisseur of food.

… graduation, post graduation, first ‘good’ job, love, marriage.. all these major frontiers of life were conquered by God’s grace and good luck. I didn’t even realize that I, the self crowned connoisseur of food, have picked up on smoking and occasional drinking...

No one objected ‘coz may be I was not too high on the numbers. Five to Six cigarettes a day, and a few pegs of Whisky once a month was how it went.

One day… my son saw me smoking, ‘Daddy, tu mar jayega yaar!!!’ was his reaction. I did not give a heed to his remarks, but was red in shame from within. I never ever smoked in his presence. But some where inside, his words trembled me. Not that HE said so, what will happen if I DIE!!!

I wanted to live… not for me, but for few great souls who walk this earth, without whom life would be unimaginable….but here I was trying to imagine their lives minus me!! Difficult to think and describe, but the thought that I wont be able to meet and see them... broke me down…

..time flew… one day I did a retrospection. I wised, tried to do, all good for my family, friends and loved ones (these do not fall under any category, they are in my heart, simple) …. but in doing so, did injustice to my own life. They say each cigarette reduces your life by x minutes. If that’s true, I have already lost many valuable minutes…. hours… days in fact.

… a week back, I decided to get those lost minutes back… so that I stay a shade longer with those I love… cut down on cigarette, alcohol is anyways not available, healthy food, walk, jog and meditation… this is my listing of the sincere effort I am putting, to redeem my life’s lost minutes…

… for the first time, I am competing myself … and I am very-very nervous … as I am good at handling competition… but this time I want to loose and loose to gain the lost minutes…

..my wish… I will keep up the hard work…the reality…six days and I am still on target…

… there will be no looking back, it’s my commitment to myself…